Season 7 of The Walking Dead premieres this Sunday, and while every other web site on the planet speculates about who Negan killed or what other plot developments might occur, I managed to get my hands on an exclusive preview of every episode of the upcoming season! Read it now! Before AMC has me killed!
Episode 1: “The Day Will Come When You Won’t Be”
Last season’s cliffhanger receives a satisfying resolution when it turns out that Negan killed the show writer who thought it would be a good idea to end the season that way.
Episode 2: “Words”
Rick gives an impassioned speech that either inspires his team to keep surviving or demonstrates his loosening grip on sanity. It’s hard to tell how these things will go with Rick.
Episode 3: “Previously on AMC’s The Walking Dead“
The show’s traditional recap opening inadvertently takes up this episode’s entire 44-minute run-time.
Episode 4: “Left to Die”
This episode provides the long-awaited connection to companion series Fear the Walking Dead by not being as good as you’d hoped.
Episode 5: “Bottle”
Two minor characters are stuck together in an abandoned store for the night, saving AMC two million dollars in production costs.
Episode 6: “The Science”
Some buzzkill points out that it doesn’t make sense scientifically that their gasoline hasn’t all evaporated, right before an attack by a rampaging undead horde.
Episode 7: “We Can Do It”
Old man Gruthers threatens to tear down the Alexandria Orphanage! Will Rick and the gang’s talent show raise the money to save it before it’s too late?
Episode 8: “Halves”
The mid-season finale ends on an unanswered question: “Will AMC ever knock it off with this split-season bullshit?”
Episode 9: “Where We Left”
The February 2017 mid-season premiere will have you trying to explain to your friends who don’t watch the show what the fuck a “mid-season premiere” is. Seriously—how is this shit acceptable?
Episode 10: “Battle of the Bastards”
In an unexpected twist, all of the show’s regular viewers decide to re-watch this season 6 episode of Game of Thrones instead of whatever was happening on The Walking Dead this week.
Episode 11: “Gone Forever”
Your favorite character dies and you vow to quit watching, but c’mon—who are you fooling?
Episode 12: “Stuff and Things”
Rick realizes how weird it is that everybody apparently stopped using the F-word when the world ended.
Episode 13: “Out for Blood”
While it isn’t the focal point of this episode, Carl finally starts growing facial hair and it’s surprisingly unsettling.
Episode 14: “Something”
The producers’ decision to let viewers vote on who they want to see killed this episode results in Andrea’s unexplained and very brief return to the series.
Episode 15: “Staying”
The group is excited to learn there’s a city that’s remained completely unaffected by the outbreak, but—shit—it’s Detroit.
Episode 16: “A Very Important Figure”
The explosive season 7 finale will introduce a pivotal character from the graphic novels, and you just know that your friend who’s read the comics isn’t going to shut the fuck up about it for months.