Category Archives: Lists

8 Weird Questions That Courts Have Legally Answered (via WhatCulture)

An integral judiciary is the backbone of a functioning democracy, but sometimes it really does seem like the courts are just fucking with us.  Check out my latest WhatCulture article, 8 Weird Questions That Courts Have Legally Answered.

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10 Features You Didn’t Know Were Cut from Classic Video Games (via WhatCulture)

If you ever felt like Mario had a more viaolent side he wasn’t showing us, it turns out you were right all along.  Check out my latest WhatCulture article, 10 Features You Didn’t Know Were Cut From Classic Video Games, to see how Nintendo very nearly gave us Super Rambo Bros.

7 Beloved Video Game Consoles That Were Almost Completely Different (via WhatCulture)

Video game consoles go through a lot of changes before they hit stores.  Some are pretty well-publicized, like that time Microsoft almost prevented you from sharing Xbox One games as an experiment to see how many people they could convince to buy a PlayStation 4.  Others are a little lesser known, and for those, you should check out my first article on WhatCulture, 7 Beloved Video Game Consoles That Were Almost Completely Different.

Weight Loss Chewing Gum: 3 Insane Old-Timey Comic Book Ads

Advertisements in old-school comic books were a perfect mixture of crazy and irresponsible.  For instance, they would routinely try to convince kids to sell salve in exchange for a rifle, and most kids would sign up before even asking what “salve” was.  Adults’ reluctance to buy salve from a ten-year-old is the only reason every town in the forties wasn’t overrun by armed child gangs.  With that in mind, here are three of the craziest comic book advertisements from that era.

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Wiid West Actlon Figures: 5 More Weird Dollar Store Toys

As I’ve already helpfully pointed out, the toy aisle at a dollar store is a lawless hellscape of trademark infringement and cheap plastic.  If your kid is a John Cena fan but you don’t have “licensed WWE product” money to throw around, you can bet you’ll find a “Jon C. Nah Wrestler Toy” for a buck, tops.  Does your daughter like animals?  There will be ten different sets of mixed animal toys, and they will all smell like burning plastic no matter what temperature it is.

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5 Well-Meaning Tributes That Went Shockingly Wrong (via Cracked)

Death is depressing enough without General Mills using it to hawk Cheerios and Hamburger Helper.  Check out my latest Cracked.com article, 5 Well-Meaning Tributes That Went Shockingly Wrong.  If nothing else, it’ll give your ghost some valuable perspective for when your family spells your name wrong in your obit.

6 Video Games That Came Bundled with Filthy, Filthy Lies (via Cracked)

I wrote a thing!  Professionally!  Check out my first Cracked.com article, 6 Video Games That Came Bundled with Filthy, Filthy Lies, to learn why your favorite hobby is built on a foundation of deceit.  Here’s a quick excerpt:

“Unfortunately for EA…”

Go read it, and then tell everybody “I was reading Jeff’s work when he was still writing about weird toys and vehicular manslaughter.”

Super Robot Robots: 7 Weird Dollar Store Toys

If you’ve ever been broke, chances are you know what a dollar store is: it’s a store where everything is one or two dollars and under, but where the Cheerios might still have a Dark Knight Rises tie-in.  National chains like Dollar Tree and Deals usually carry well-known products or simple off-brand knock-offs.  If you’re lucky, however, you live near a locally-owned dollar store like I do, and you’ll find that without the constraints of a national reputation to uphold, these places can sell some awesomely weird products.
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8 Unbelievable Driving Hacks!

If there’s one thing everyone can agree on, it’s that everybody sucks at driving except you.  You’re awesome, everyone else is a goddamn maniac, especially if they’re from a different state.  If there’s something else we can all agree on, it’s that life hacks make every part of your day way more efficient.  In an effort to take your already unassailable driving skills to the next level, here’s an article that definitely isn’t shameless clickbait: 8 Unbelievable Driving Hacks (That Obama Doesn’t Want You to Know)! 

Now, I’m not a licensed driving instructor or anything, but who has time to worry about things like “qualifications” or “a basic understanding of the topic” when you have page views to get?  Don’t worry.  I’m sure this will go well.

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3 Sentences Tech Support Hates Hearing

When you work in tech support, most of your customers are actually fairly reasonable, even if they aren’t very computer-minded.  Not everybody “gets” computers, and even if you don’t know how to use yours beyond checking your email and trolling for cyber ass, I’ll still be okay with you as long as I don’t hear any of the following sentences come out of your mouth.

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