Category Archives: Lists

Weight Loss Chewing Gum: 3 Insane Old-Timey Comic Book Ads

Advertisements in old-school comic books were a perfect mixture of crazy and irresponsible.  For instance, they would routinely try to convince kids to sell salve in exchange for a rifle, and most kids would sign up before even asking what “salve” was.  Adults’ reluctance to buy salve from a ten-year-old is the only reason every town in the forties wasn’t overrun by armed child gangs.  With that in mind, here are three of the craziest comic book advertisements from that era.

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Wiid West Actlon Figures: 5 More Weird Dollar Store Toys

As I’ve already helpfully pointed out, the toy aisle at a dollar store is a lawless hellscape of trademark infringement and cheap plastic.  If your kid is a John Cena fan but you don’t have “licensed WWE product” money to throw around, you can bet you’ll find a “Jon C. Nah Wrestler Toy” for a buck, tops.  Does your daughter like animals?  There will be ten different sets of mixed animal toys, and they will all smell like burning plastic no matter what temperature it is.

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5 Well-Meaning Tributes That Went Shockingly Wrong (Cracked.com)

Death is depressing enough without General Mills using it to hawk Cheerios and Hamburger Helper.  Check out my latest Cracked.com article, 5 Well-Meaning Tributes That Went Shockingly Wrong.  If nothing else, it’ll give your ghost some valuable perspective for when your family spells your name wrong in your obit.

The 6 Most Shameless Liars in the Video Game Industry (Cracked.com)

I wrote a thing!  Professionally!  Check out my first Cracked.com article, The 6 Most Shameless Liars in the Video Game Industry, to learn why your favorite hobby is built on a foundation of deceit.  Here’s a quick excerpt:

“Unfortunately for EA…”

Go read it, and then tell everybody “I was reading Jeff’s work when he was still writing about weird toys and vehicular manslaughter.”

Super Robot Robots: 7 Weird Dollar Store Toys

If you’ve ever been broke, chances are you know what a dollar store is: it’s a store where everything is one or two dollars and under, but where the Cheerios might still have a Dark Knight Rises tie-in.  National chains like Dollar Tree and Deals usually carry well-known products or simple off-brand knock-offs.  If you’re lucky, however, you live near a locally-owned dollar store like I do, and you’ll find that without the constraints of a national reputation to uphold, these places can sell some awesomely weird products.
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8 Unbelievable Driving Hacks!

If there’s one thing everyone can agree on, it’s that everybody sucks at driving except you.  You’re awesome, everyone else is a goddamn maniac, especially if they’re from a different state.  If there’s something else we can all agree on, it’s that life hacks make every part of your day way more efficient.  In an effort to take your already unassailable driving skills to the next level, here’s an article that definitely isn’t shameless clickbait: 8 Unbelievable Driving Hacks (That Obama Doesn’t Want You to Know)! 

Now, I’m not a licensed driving instructor or anything, but who has time to worry about things like “qualifications” or “a basic understanding of the topic” when you have page views to get?  Don’t worry.  I’m sure this will go well.

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3 Sentences Tech Support Hates Hearing

When you work in tech support, most of your customers are actually fairly reasonable, even if they aren’t very computer-minded.  Not everybody “gets” computers, and even if you don’t know how to use yours beyond checking your email and trolling for cyber ass, I’ll still be okay with you as long as I don’t hear any of the following sentences come out of your mouth.

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9 Mega Man Games with Weird Box Art

“Crappy box art” seems to be a popular topic on gaming web sites, and the American NES version of the first Mega Man game tops every list.  What a lot of people don’t realize is that the rest of the Mega Man series could easily round out the rest of such lists.

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4 Crazy (Unscripted) Moments in Pro Wrestling

Professional wrestling is fake.  Nobody questions this.  It’s like saying Hugh Laurie isn’t a real doctor; we get it, there’s a script, nobody is shocked to hear that.  But sometimes the crazy stuff that occurs in sports entertainment is more legitimate than you realize.  For instance…

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