Category Archives: News

Highlights from Yesterday’s James Comey Testimony

In an event billed by the media as “the Super Bowl of Washington,” former FBI Director James Comey testified before the Senate yesterday regarding allegations that President Trump tried to influence the FBI investigation into Russia’s involvement in the 2016 election.  In case you missed it, here are some highlights from Comey’s testimony:

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Idiots Offended by Ice Cream

Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream recently released a new flavor called Schweddy Balls based on an Alec Baldwin SNL sketch.  While most responses to the name have ranged from apathy to mild amusement, idiots’-rights advocacy group OneMillionMoms responded the only way they know how: freaking right the hell out.

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Coupon Theft is a Real Thing

We have to talk, America.  I kept my mouth shut when you thought you needed two television programs about pawn shops and seventeen reality shows about baking cakes, but this Extreme Couponing shit has to end.  Not only is it just a really stupid idea for a show, but apparently it has now led to the lamest crime wave in history.

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World-Class Rectal Smuggler Makes National News Somehow

As part of my continuing effort to present my readers with news that shapes their world, here’s a story the Associated Press ran about a guy who shoved a lot of stuff up his ass. Seriously.

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Bees!

Earlier this week I wrote about a group of ninja students who foiled an alley mugging in Australia. This alone has strengthened my belief that real life is becoming more and more like a poorly written comic book, so you can imagine my reaction when I read that a swarm of bees descended upon Manhattan on Monday.

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There are Ninjas in Australia

According to the BBC and the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, three men assaulted and mugged a German medical exchange student in Sydney last month. Not a very surprising story. What is surprising is that the thugs made the fatal mistake of doing this in an alley behind–and I can’t believe I’m even reading these words in a real news article–the Ninja Senshi Ryu school, “a school for ninja warriors.” Feel free to click the provided links to make sure I’m not bullshitting you, I promise not to be offended.

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