Weight Loss Chewing Gum: 3 Insane Old-Timey Comic Book Ads

Advertisements in old-school comic books were a perfect mixture of crazy and irresponsible.  For instance, they would routinely try to convince kids to sell salve in exchange for a rifle, and most kids would sign up before even asking what “salve” was.  Adults’ reluctance to buy salve from a ten-year-old is the only reason every town in the forties wasn’t overrun by armed child gangs.  With that in mind, here are three of the craziest comic book advertisements from that era.

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Exclusive Preview of “The Walking Dead” Season 7!

Season 7 of The Walking Dead premieres this Sunday, and while every other web site on the planet speculates about who Negan killed or what other plot developments might occur, I managed to get my hands on an exclusive preview of every episode of the upcoming season!  Read it now!  Before AMC has me killed!

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Wiid West Actlon Figures: 5 More Weird Dollar Store Toys

As I’ve already helpfully pointed out, the toy aisle at a dollar store is a lawless hellscape of trademark infringement and cheap plastic.  If your kid is a John Cena fan but you don’t have “licensed WWE product” money to throw around, you can bet you’ll find a “Jon C. Nah Wrestler Toy” for a buck, tops.  Does your daughter like animals?  There will be ten different sets of mixed animal toys, and they will all smell like burning plastic no matter what temperature it is.

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I’ll Try to Say 3 Nice Things About Donald Trump

The 2016 U.S. presidential election is the hot topic right now, but aside from when I corrected a report about Donald Trump being Batman or when I invited a wasp-besieged guest to blog about the election, I’ve more or less avoided the topic.  That’s because, even by our standards, this has become a nasty and divisive election cycle.  In the interest of full disclosure, I’m not at all comfortable with Donald Trump’s campaign, but that’s partly because I’m a cog in the vast liberal Zionist feminist New World Order conspiracy.  Still, I think it’s important to see topics from more than one perspective (but no more than two, because that would be confusing and nuanced).  In that spirit, here’s my attempt to say three nice things about Republican presidential candidate Donald J. Trump.

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5 Well-Meaning Tributes That Went Shockingly Wrong (via Cracked)

Death is depressing enough without General Mills using it to hawk Cheerios and Hamburger Helper.  Check out my latest Cracked.com article, 5 Well-Meaning Tributes That Went Shockingly Wrong.  If nothing else, it’ll give your ghost some valuable perspective for when your family spells your name wrong in your obit.

6 Video Games That Came Bundled with Filthy, Filthy Lies (via Cracked)

I wrote a thing!  Professionally!  Check out my first Cracked.com article, 6 Video Games That Came Bundled with Filthy, Filthy Lies, to learn why your favorite hobby is built on a foundation of deceit.  Here’s a quick excerpt:

“Unfortunately for EA…”

Go read it, and then tell everybody “I was reading Jeff’s work when he was still writing about weird toys and vehicular manslaughter.”

Thank You for Contacting Customer Service

Dear valued customer:

Greetings!  I’m Tom, a customer service associate with your electric company.  You recently inquired as to why you were charged a one hundred dollar service fee when our technician came to your home, but performed no repairs or services.

We know that charges on your bill can be difficult to understand sometimes, but thankfully the reason for this fee is simple: we like having dollars, and we wanted one hundred more of them.

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GUEST POST: “How to Fix the Broken Election” (by a guy trapped in a room with a wasp)

I like to think that I’m open to new ideas and opinions, and I want my blog to reflect that.  That’s why today, I’m doing something I’ve never done on this web site: a guest post.  Today’s guest post is a thought-provoking commentary on the U.S. presidential election and is written by my good friend, a guy trapped in a room with a wasp.  Enjoy!  — Jeff
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Super Robot Robots: 7 Weird Dollar Store Toys

If you’ve ever been broke, chances are you know what a dollar store is: it’s a store where everything is one or two dollars and under, but where the Cheerios might still have a Dark Knight Rises tie-in.  National chains like Dollar Tree and Deals usually carry well-known products or simple off-brand knock-offs.  If you’re lucky, however, you live near a locally-owned dollar store like I do, and you’ll find that without the constraints of a national reputation to uphold, these places can sell some awesomely weird products.
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Horoscopes (March 23 – 29)

Did you know there are still people who genuinely believe in astrology?  It’s true!  And some of those people use the Internet, which is why I’m getting into this sweet, inexplicably lucrative business.  Now I’ve never been to astrology college or… constellation boot camp or whatever, but I am officially certified by the International Academy of Zodiac Arts, an institution that actually exists for all I know.  Rest assured, what you’re about to read is as reliable as any horoscope you’ll find anywhere else.

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