Thank You for Contacting Customer Service

Dear valued customer:

Greetings!  I’m Tom, a customer service associate with your electric company.  You recently inquired as to why you were charged a one hundred dollar service fee when our technician came to your home, but performed no repairs or services.

We know that charges on your bill can be difficult to understand sometimes, but thankfully the reason for this fee is simple: we like having dollars, and we wanted one hundred more of them.

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GUEST POST: “How to Fix the Broken Election” (by a guy trapped in a room with a wasp)

I like to think that I’m open to new ideas and opinions, and I want my blog to reflect that.  That’s why today, I’m doing something I’ve never done on this web site: a guest post.  Today’s guest post is a thought-provoking commentary on the U.S. presidential election and is written by my good friend, a guy trapped in a room with a wasp.  Enjoy!  — Jeff
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Super Robot Robots: 7 Weird Dollar Store Toys

If you’ve ever been broke, chances are you know what a dollar store is: it’s a store where everything is one or two dollars and under, but where the Cheerios might still have a Dark Knight Rises tie-in.  National chains like Dollar Tree and Deals usually carry well-known products or simple off-brand knock-offs.  If you’re lucky, however, you live near a locally-owned dollar store like I do, and you’ll find that without the constraints of a national reputation to uphold, these places can sell some awesomely weird products.
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Horoscopes (March 23 – 29)

Did you know there are still people who genuinely believe in astrology?  It’s true!  And some of those people use the Internet, which is why I’m getting into this sweet, inexplicably lucrative business.  Now I’ve never been to astrology college or… constellation boot camp or whatever, but I am officially certified by the International Academy of Zodiac Arts, an institution that actually exists for all I know.  Rest assured, what you’re about to read is as reliable as any horoscope you’ll find anywhere else.

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8 Unbelievable Driving Hacks!

If there’s one thing everyone can agree on, it’s that everybody sucks at driving except you.  You’re awesome, everyone else is a goddamn maniac, especially if they’re from a different state.  If there’s something else we can all agree on, it’s that life hacks make every part of your day way more efficient.  In an effort to take your already unassailable driving skills to the next level, here’s an article that definitely isn’t shameless clickbait: 8 Unbelievable Driving Hacks (That Obama Doesn’t Want You to Know)! 

Now, I’m not a licensed driving instructor or anything, but who has time to worry about things like “qualifications” or “a basic understanding of the topic” when you have page views to get?  Don’t worry.  I’m sure this will go well.

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The Real Story Behind Donald Trump’s “I Am Batman” Comment

You might’ve recently heard the charming news story of when Donald Trump, Republican presidential candidate and billionaire, took some kids in a helicopter ride at a recent campaign stop and was asked by one, “Are you Batman?,” to which Donald Trump replied, “I am Batman.”

Of course, in their haste to report this story, most major news sources seem to have gotten the details of the story wrong.  Continue reading

3 Sentences Tech Support Hates Hearing

When you work in tech support, most of your customers are actually fairly reasonable, even if they aren’t very computer-minded.  Not everybody “gets” computers, and even if you don’t know how to use yours beyond checking your email and trolling for cyber ass, I’ll still be okay with you as long as I don’t hear any of the following sentences come out of your mouth.

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Idiots Offended by Ice Cream

Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream recently released a new flavor called Schweddy Balls based on an Alec Baldwin SNL sketch.  While most responses to the name have ranged from apathy to mild amusement, idiots’-rights advocacy group OneMillionMoms responded the only way they know how: freaking right the hell out.

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9 Mega Man Games with Weird Box Art

“Crappy box art” seems to be a popular topic on gaming web sites, and the American NES version of the first Mega Man game tops every list.  What a lot of people don’t realize is that the rest of the Mega Man series could easily round out the rest of such lists.

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4 Crazy (Unscripted) Moments in Pro Wrestling

Professional wrestling is fake.  Nobody questions this.  It’s like saying Hugh Laurie isn’t a real doctor; we get it, there’s a script, nobody is shocked to hear that.  But sometimes the crazy stuff that occurs in sports entertainment is more legitimate than you realize.  For instance…

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