Coupon Theft is a Real Thing

We have to talk, America.  I kept my mouth shut when you thought you needed two television programs about pawn shops and seventeen reality shows about baking cakes, but this Extreme Couponing shit has to end.  Not only is it just a really stupid idea for a show, but apparently it has now led to the lamest crime wave in history.

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World-Class Rectal Smuggler Makes National News Somehow

As part of my continuing effort to present my readers with news that shapes their world, here’s a story the Associated Press ran about a guy who shoved a lot of stuff up his ass. Seriously.

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There are Ninjas in Australia

According to the BBC and the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, three men assaulted and mugged a German medical exchange student in Sydney last month. Not a very surprising story. What is surprising is that the thugs made the fatal mistake of doing this in an alley behind–and I can’t believe I’m even reading these words in a real news article–the Ninja Senshi Ryu school, “a school for ninja warriors.” Feel free to click the provided links to make sure I’m not bullshitting you, I promise not to be offended.

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